My teenage years were rough - a lot of things I'm ashamed of, decisions I wish I could undo. I spent my twenties and thirties trying to make up for them, being aggressively good, overcompensating. My therapist finally said, 'You're still looking backward. That's not where the road goes.'
Then I read Paul saying he's not yet perfect but he's straining forward, forgetting what lies behind. That's not about denying his past. It's about not letting it be his destination. Yes, he did terrible things - he killed Christians. That's massive. But he's not trying to build a new self that can undo that. He's just moving forward.
I'm trying to do that now. I own my past without letting it define my future. I made those decisions at eighteen with eighteen-year-old wisdom. I'm not that person. But I'm also not trying to earn my way back to innocence. I'm just walking forward into becoming whoever I'm supposed to be now.
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